Journal extract following development of 'BIOGRAPHY' Painting

3 NOV 02
Anniversary of my Mother's death 3 Nov '47.
Since back from the desert, I've begun a new ptg as of yest., the 1st Biography ptg. In it appears the studio wall which is nearest the Sea, and a 1/2 each of the large arching glass doors on either side of the wall. All of this had been on the studio wall, and I decided to paint it, one day in September, and to call it "Biography".

In it various aspects of my life appear in the form of photos, repros of ptgs, collages, and a litho done more than twenty years ago (which recently I added watercolor to, and w-c'd its white border). There are also a couple reproductions including a V.Gogh collage I made yrs ago, plus V.Gogh's "le pere Tanguy" ptg, etc. All the images represent different aspects of my life.

A glimpse into the artist's studio where the Art is conceived, born and nurtured.

I'm so appreciating this life as an artist I've been given . In a way, this ptg will be another homage to that.


Later.

A morning working on our dog "Beauty"-in-the-wood-photograph as the sound track to Aldomovar's film "Talk to Her" continuously plays on. I've played it all the time since our return. Its haunting quality keeps me in mystery realms. Also not listening to any news, purposely.

5 NOV 02

Finished "Beauty". Also the 1st butterfly. Also V.Gogh's "le pere Tanguy" . Under these images I've begun the large glossy shiny photos which lay on the table. I'm enjoying how the above reflects on the below. It's like reflections on water.

A good day ptg.

Lynne Z came this early evening to explore book project.

7 NOV 02

This ptg is a 'whole' image and, at the same time, also made up of clusters of individual images. In this way, it relates to my early 1960's white ground paintings and the 'whole image' paintings which followed them.

8 NOV 02

Finding it not easy or flowing to work on ptg. The Golden Kyoto Palace and Brugh's Treescape--T hey're both so complex. I believe, due to talking so much the last two days for the book project, my mind is a bit askew . Just not used to it There's not been the mental space necessary to organize these visual complexities. Perhaps the solution is to do bigger blockier-shaped images during this time of verbalizing and introspection, and then do the detailed stuff later.

Later/Noontime

Began the Angels and Aposh collage. Is it a Van Eyck? This turns out to be very demanding also.

I sat quietly and that did still the mind, helping me get centered.

Need to get deeply into the ptg, and also be available for Lynne's limited time here.

Later 19h15 le soir

Got quite a bit done. It's sweet and innocent. These two angels with our cockatoo, Aposh. All these parts coming together, adding up to a whole.

Today in a tired state, I saw clearly once again, how important for me to maintain the necessary energy to do these ptgs I want and need to paint.

SATURDAY 9 Nov 02 14h

The angels and Aposh section is well along, and this afternoon I continue with them and also begin another image. But for now, a petite sieste.

Sunday 10 November 02

Needing to slow down today and take one step at a time. This AM I walked the dogs in the nearby wood, prepared clean water for today's w-c'ing, and then chose the next image to work on. I decided to do the Kyoto Temple upside down. Less daunting. Seeing its pictorial qualities in a fresh original way, I won't get hung up on its almost impossible architectonic elements.

Later----Afternoon.

It worked. Made progress with the Kyoto Palace. It's slow with tiny details, and it is working.

Thus far with the ptg, I've been solely concentrating on the appendages to the wall. However, at a certain moment today, I found myself seeing in actuality the wall plus the windows and the scene outside. In other words,the bigger picture. I had lost sight of the forest for the trees. So, I was able to see the whole image that the ptg will be.

What a relief!

Tuesday 12 November 02

Much flowing forth. Needing to center and to contain. The imagery in the ptg doesn't simplify matters. Brugh's forest scene in this smaller format is an even crazier mass of complex contradictions than the photo is in its original size. Same thing for the Kyoto Palace.

Also Beauty in the wood.

Yikes! It's hard and unsettling. All this combined with our three way conversations being taped each meal time...I'm a wreck. However, trusting it all.

Friday, I'll be back in studio in full swing.

13 Nov 02 Wednesday 7h30

Lynn's Final day here. It's been a rich time. Much has already occurred on many levels. Alchemy. This past night---much heavy, pounding, solid, penetrating rain.

Absolution.
Baptism.
Cleansing.
Last evening, I had the very strong sense that the recent trip to Paris and the 30 films, plus the Desert Experience with all its mysteries and inductions have had their most profound effect not yet revealing their deepest nature.

This morning, at last spoke and taped with Lynne a conversation specifically about the painting. It felt very good .

14 November 02

Began reading Savage Beauty, biography of Edan St Vincent Millay, which Lynne left for us.

Last night a dream about an artist wanting to make and direct a film and wanting me to star in it.

16 November 02

Much coming up.
The good news is that I was able to paint well on Brugh's forest scene.

17 November 02

Been ptg the V.Gogh self-portrait collage which I've been wanting to paint for atleast 10-15 yrs. It touches and amazes me how this man's depiction of himself in certain of his self-portraits has so fascinated me. I've ptd him atleast 4 times, and also done collages with him in them. Now this collage, I made in California, on Tamarack, all that time ago which has traveled with me from studio to studio, is finally becoming a ptg. What would a biography of mine be without Van Gogh in it?

18 November 02

A fine day of ptg. Working on the V.Gogh collage, and also the Egyptian Couple sculpture. The sculpture's being ptd in a kind of greenish, not quite sepia, more of a neutral tint/pale rose coloration. So, the day's been good, and I finally feel here and home at last!

I've been wanting to paint these images which are in this ptg for so long. I might not ever have gotten to them as individual, separate ptgs. I will be 70 in 3 mos. The images I pt will now be part of what I leave. This "Biography" ptg for me is a perfect manner for me to show a view of my spirit's imprint to those in the future who might be interested

19 November 02

A clear, beautifully crisp, getting colder day. All's well here.

At last, I'm fully 'back'.
Feels great.

20 November 02/Wednesday

So much good energy today. It feels mighty. Working now on the Beauty-in-the-wood tableau. Basically, it's the final one. What remains afterwards is the litho "Pink Lily with Dragonfly" of 20 plus yrs ago. It's on the left side of the wall. That'll be interesting to paint a ptg of a ptg, which, as it turns out is already an interpretation of a ptg. After that it'll be the rattan bench which'll be a good wk's work. First, I must redraw its structure. And do it well. After that the cobalt blue balustrade. Thank God, we ptd it blue and not green. This way it'll be so striking in the ptg with the green foliage all around it. After that the pines and the sky.

Finally the wall.

22 November 02

Today, a major one for us. Lannis doing a healing this afternoon, and I have major roads to travel in the ptg and alot to do in the studio.

These days are so strong, so powerful. I have almost too much energy. Everything seems on fast forward. I want to and need to get in 'sync' with my ptg, with our life. There seems to be so much going on. I'll pull a Tarot card. I pulled "Wheel of Fortune". So, I need to stay objective, be flexible, and be open to the energy, no matter what it may look like.

23 November 02

A night full of dreaming.

Awoke just a bit ago, a little before 7. These dark-end-of-autumn mornings, the birds outside (and inside), their stirrings and their 1st sounds beginning later and later. The dogs too wake less early.

There's so much to do today and everyday. I want to get the correspondance done now, so that I can get an early start with the ptg. Yest. got a good start on the blue railings. Looks like a few more wks yet for completion of ptg.

Sunday, 24 November 02

Finished right side of balcony--the balustrade, the leaves with the red shapes amongst them, and then in a few moments some light washes for the tiles.

Quite miraculous, all of it.... The vertical balustrade, the horizontal floor bringing my eye inside through the glass doors, then up and seeing the images on the wall.

28 November 02

Very much enjoying the E. St V. Millay biography. Next, plan to read Dylan Thomas' and then TSEliot's. This is biography time. Who would have thought, who could have guessed it was coming? I've been avoiding these bks for yrs even with Lannis having bought them for me to read. Now, at last, I am ready to face the Poet's Life as well as the Poet's Death. One of these titles will turn out to be my Winter Solstice reading material. It's becoming clearer and clearer to me that this is a time of Summing Up.

29 November 02

At 5:45PM I asked Georges to come in and help me with the rather tricky business of me focusing the slide projector so that I could begin redrawing the very complex rattan chair on the left side of "Biography". He checked the projection for me while I fiddled with the focusing. It went quickly. Tmrw AM I'll start the left half of the ptg. It will have its challenges: the rattan bench for starters and then the litho of "Pink Lily with Dragon Fly".

Later

Now to bed to continue rdg of E.St.V Millay's. It's getting more and more difficult for me, the reading of it, as she descends further and further into her hell.

30 November 02

A friend, yesterday in the studio, without knowing the title of the ptg in progress said, toute de suite, "That's your life."

1 December 02

The yr almost done, and in three wks The Winter Solstice....The Days Will Become Longer. I capitalize the words. It's like title-ing the event. It's like that for me, now. Everything becoming more meaningful and distinct. This time is passing so quickly. Feeling it particularly today.

Working on the litho image is so much fun---ptg from a ptg which itself was after a ptg. It's actually even 4th generation. I could go on forever with this process.

5PM: Today, a pale panic of "Not enough time left". The ptg of the litho is inspiring. So painterly. It amazes me how much has been accomplished on the ptg in two days, and how much has happened also in our daily life here at Site Charmant.

Evening

Mentally a-clutter and fatigued. Can't see forest for the trees.

Now to bed to read a simple story, and then to sleep.

2 December 02 - AM

Beautiful Golden Day.
I need to go straight away to work

It's going slower than usual because normally I find the 'how' within ten days or two weeks, how to paint each ptg. Once well into a ptg I discover its pictorial needs and once that

happens it all flows more fluidly Therefore it's taking longer to understand the nature of each and what makes it tick. Continually start and go, start and go.

04 December 02

Majorly important day in terms of realizations. Got clear about lots of things related to my art, and other aspects of our life which accompany it. Now, after a day off yesterday, I'm so excited about the six days ahead of ptg, ptg, ptg.

6 December 02, Friday

Working on ptg. Needing to make some deep progress. It's taking longer than I thought. As I mentioned above, each section is a new ptg.

Knowing that I must spend more time with the ptg. Six hrs a day is not enough. Must do more.

An intense time. December always is. Particularly as Solstice approaches. The days become shorter and shorter. An anxiousness fills me.

Later

It's clear that I need to get into deeper concentration in the ptg. I've let myself be drawn too much into the peripheral aspects of the art. The ptg is the most crucial.

7 December 02, Saturday

Pearl Harbor 61 yrs ago. Hard to believe! My, how life has sped by. It feels like it's been 7 or 8 months not 70 yrs.

Excellent energy today after yest's intensity and demands.

The ptg's going very well. It's definitely a 'let-go' time. Letting go of any sense that it is me who is in 'control'. I'm not, of course, never have been and never will be. For me, that's water-color's and Life's great lesson: It does what it's going to do.

So much seems to be happening right now.
v The word "elucidation" keeps coming to mind and lips .

It's interesting to think about the choices I have made or have not made. One made, decades ago, has been to enter more deeply into the artist's world, the inner sanctum where the soul rests, to commune and collaborate with it, and to attempt to paint from that place.

8 December 02, Sunday

In AM today began working on rattan chair.
It's now 3:45PM. Will take dog walk and then back for a couple hrs more of ptg. This ptg's already taken 5 wks... will be atleast another two--Yikes!

11 December 02

The time's passing so quickly. Happy the days start getting longer in 10 days.

Rain, rain, rain today.

Evening

Now to bed. Been waking recently at 5AM. In bed doing heart chakra meditation and Reiki symbols, then rising at 6-ish, going downstairs to do email correspondance, then dog walk in wood, then making fresh carrot/ginger juice, then to studio to pt by 9 AM. Lately, feeling so much energy.

20 December 02

So much to do.

Ptg, almost finished, hung it on lvg rm wall. First time the two 1/2's are joined. Lannis and I sat in silent awe.

I need to do wall on left side, then some 'fine-tuning' over whole surface. Then the border.

It's a crisp and clear Friday---The full moon two days ago.

Augmenting my studio listening of Aldomovar's soundtrack of "Talk to Her" with some Glen Gould Bach, and from time to time a bit of Brian Eeno's Airport Music.

Evening

Had wonderful couple hrs this afternoon working the full width and expanse of the w/c on the table, concentrating on the walls and doors with their blueish, greyish,rose-dore-ish sienna-ish tones. Listening with ear phones to multiple Baroque selections. Definitely 'Fugue-Time. Seventh Heaven for me. As usual, going to let the ptg take whatever time it wants and needs to complete itself. In fact, I have no choice.

The energy since before dawn has been intense and bright--- again, a certain elucidation taking place, and this, the Eve of the Winter Solstice.

21 December 02, The Solstice Major day.
Lannis had a revelatory night. This AM as she shared it with me, I was filled with its gift and its light. As a result, I got so much ptg done in the studio. It's about two or three days from completion. It'll have been 7 1/2 wks in the making.

22 December 02

Lannis said: "It's an ah-hah! day."

Also, last night Lannis said looking at BIOGRAPHY, as it hung almost completed on the living room wall, "It's like a play". I know what she means. There are the characters, there's the plot, there's the decor and the scenery, and there's the unfolding of an action. Moreover, the two halved arched windows on either side of the wall, create the feeling of curtains on the sides of a stage.

Today, realizing once again painting for me is a vocation.

23 December 02

Today, I will be tearing down the borders around the ptg, looking at the ptg, putting in the necessary finishing touches. It's a bit of a letdown, this finalizng stage. After almost two months living and being together every day. It'll be gone before we know it. Now, to tear it down, paint on it, and see it anew.

Feels appropriate to be completing this Biography ptg during the Solstice time. As Allen Marshall pointed out to me in an email today, these lengthening days of early winter are the preparatory time for Spring's growth.

11h30

I just put the torn-down Biography on the studio wall, and guess what? I think it's finished!

Now, I want to put some order in studio, particularly the surfaces including the ptg table. It's gotten quite cluttered. For me it seems creativity soars within chaos. While I'm ptg I find an order in chaos.

Realized today that the Alexander Liberman photo of Picasso in his Studio, (actually it was'nt far from here, his studio), this photo which we have up on our w/c wall and which I've carried with me for some 30 years, is also a vision of an artist's studio wall.

Also, looking back, there were my childhood's bedroom wall which I covered with photos of movie stars. There were also the 12th Street studio wall with all the images on it. Also the San Francisco Bulletin Board I showed at Mills College. Also the collage on canvas that was in the Whitney (a telegram I sent to Johnson during Vietnam war, a Vietnamese Man crying, etc.). Later, still on 12th St. there were the photos of Tut and Cheetah from Paris Match which inspired the first "whole image" ptgs I was to do. Then, eighteen months ago, the Scenes from a Life: Studio Wall. And now these Biography images.

So, multiple images have played a crucial part in how I have surrounded myself with photos and repros of works of art, etc. all my life. Spent afternoon going through slides and picking out a selection to view with Lannis for printing at the photo lab in Nice as possible ptgs for down the road. Then looked again through the Albert Kahn Gardens' photos fom Paris of last Oct.

Finally, went through the already enlarged color prints of photos I've taken. Viewed the latter with Lannis in early evening and decided upon two to pt: The Tibetan Altar we have in the kitchen. Also the white bird seen in the twilight sanctuary in LA.

I'll call the first "Altar", the 2nd "Sanctuary". Will paint "Sanctuary" first. It'll be a long relatively narrow vertical with a dark, perhaps black border. It's an ageless moment, with an ancient Chinese painting sensibility to it. I like it alot. Feels right for now after Biography's wide full horizontal expanse.

24 December 02

Spent AM cleaning studio surfaces of tables and storage cabinets. Throwing lots away which had accumulated these past two Biography months. In afternoon drew in Sanctuary. It done, turning around I saw the 'finished' Biography. Turns out, it needed more work. The wall isn't dark enough. More contrast needed. That way, there'll be more dramatic pull.

I'll work on it tmrw.

25 December 02

Yesterday's drizzly grey has been replaced with a bright sunny morning. Yesterday, wrote to Al Ujcic that this is a time of new birth and extended light. And so it is. On many levels.

Now to start darkening and solidifying the wall on Biography.

L&I opened Christmas presents sent to us. One from the Makkinks, a book entitled "Old Man Goya". Isn't that perfect? Yet another synchronistic sign. Another biography come our way.

By the way, when Lynne was here in one of our recorded conversations, Lannis spoke of Jung's Memories, Dreams and Reflections, an example of an older person transcribing his view of his life. A summing up.

I've got the studio's sliding glass doors open and a wonderful fresh winter air fills the room.

Ptg the ptg's wall on my studio wall vertically. Usually I work flat on a table. This act of ptg on a vertical is an exhuberant feeling.

Spent the morning on ptg.
Then saw in afternoon it needed more work. Lannis and I discussed it and we saw certain areas which needed a bit more attention, and little by little it all came into a heightened state. A wonderful sacred moment of collaboration. Ahhh, "Biography" is now completed.

Tmrw we go to Nice. Then, the next day, Friday beginning Sanctuary.

biogrpahy

Joseph Raffael | "Biography" 2002 | Watercolor on paper | 54 x 81 inches